One Year
by zekeshaolin
Summary: sequel(ish) to five months / It's been a whole year. I barely like the ocean since that day. Sometimes I would go to the shore and imagine you're still with me, like now. I know that whatever I try I would never get you back, but it's worth a try. / leo-centric


**Side note: This is the only time I would ever do this but reading five months before reading this will make you understand a bit more. You don't have to but...I would like it if you did.**

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Some things change. I know that for sure. I am not completely sure why I'm ok with these changes, but ever since I learned life lessons after losing my boyfriend, I figured that change is a good thing and it keeps you going.

My change? I got into a freak accident, got myself some bionics, and now I attend an academy...as a student. Yes, I'm _still_ salty about that. However, I know that learning about the advantages and disadvantages of my bionics are only the tip the iceberg to finally do what I always wanted since I was fourteen. Hell, I had to learn about this, since I glitched so bad I started hurting loved ones ( _even_ Perry, yet I still have a love/hate relationship with her).

I always wanted to be a superhero. I loved reading superhero comics and playing video games where a superhero (or a plumber) was the protagonist about to save the day. I spent years during my childhood pretending to be the hero by wearing capes and pretending to fly. I always wanted my own super powers too; like maybe levitation or cryokinesis - something that my favorite superheroes have. Now that I do have powers, it still seems cool, but to what cost? It was either this or _never_ be able to use my right hand ever again. I did not want to live with that, even though Douglas made that decision for me.

Life has a funny way of expressing yourself. You want something so bad but when you get it, it's bargained with the cost of your life. I have so many life lessons to learn at seventeen and beyond, and that is probably one of them the minute I wake up with a new bionic arm.

/

I wait until everyone is asleep and finally sneak away to the shore. I'm kind of glad that there is a little beach like part on this island, even though I haven't looked at beaches the same since...

It's been a whole year. I barely like the ocean since that day. Sometimes I would go to the shore and imagine you're still with me, like now. I know that whatever I try I would never get you back, but it's worth a try. Sometimes I would remember how the ocean would just be our spot. I still remember that spot where we did it. Heh...as much as I don't like to remember the feeling of having sand in your ass, it still makes me chuckle. I remember the day we went to the pier and enjoyed each other's company while the fireworks displayed over us. I also remember us holding hands and walking across the shore with our shoes in our hands.

Most of all, I remember letting you go. Shit. I didn't want to go to a beach for months. Staying here made it even worse because we're always surrounded by ocean water. Sometimes I wish you would wash up on shore and just tell me that you're still alive - that you found the lost city of Atlantis and that you're living there. However, I know that Atlantis will stay lost to anyone and everyone...and that you're _never_ coming back.

Needless to say, I haven't been able to move on since. I tried with a few guys but I just couldn't. I loved you way too much to throw away five months onto the back burner so soon. Yes, it's been a year and I'm still not over you as much as I should yet. I've accepted it, but I don't see myself dating until I can get off this depressing island. Most of the kids here are a reminder of the madman who almost tried to kill us...and is the main reason why I'm bionic. Even though that's somewhat of a good thing, he still threatened our lives more than once and I would never want that for anyone. I have this one kid who is really annoying and cocky, but the more I get to know him, the more I realize that we aren't so different. Still, he's annoying. I know you would probably say that I'm annoying too, since I pestered you for answers and shit, but...that's not important.

I finally told everyone about our relationship...right after we rebuilt the lab. I couldn't keep it from them any longer. Turns out they kind of knew and if I hadn't been so secretive, we would be able to save you. As much as I want to just go back and do that, I know it would defeat the purpose. Your advice would mean nothing to me if you stayed alive, and I didn't want that. You made sense. We'll meet each other again and until that day, I think I want to live my life. I have a right to do that.

Love is a mixture of confusion, happiness, addiction, and heartbreak. It intoxicates me. It draws me in like a drug, and I'm addicted to it. I don't want to escape from it. I was confused about my sexuality when things between us became serious but it became clear to me that I never needed much of a label. I know that I loved you and I was not confused about that. You made me happy in five months - more happy than I ever been. Before all of this, I thought everything was right in the world since everything was going back to normal, but was I sure about that? Was it really a good thing? Happiness seemed foggy to me before I opened the door of fate. As far as heartbreak? Should I mention the times I tried to move on again? Well, I shouldn't. I don't want to again. I think you'd get jealous again like how you were jealous when I was 'flirting with Brittany'. Yeah, I still remember that. It was heartbreaking when I break other guys' hearts because I kept thinking about you. I couldn't keep lying to myself, and I couldn't keep lying to them, so before I moved to the island I told myself I wouldn't start dating again until I got off the island. It's working - well ever since Sebastian turned on us.

Despite that, love is vital. I have my family who supports me so much that I could never repay them. I still have my friends who occasionally visit me by coming to the island...and I know _you_ still love me. I know you're looking at me through your brown eyes, staring at me with so much care in the world and knowing that I'm trying to live, even after a year.

Hopefully next year, I'll be able to come back and be more happy to see the beach again but until then, all I can do is allow myself to cry.

/

 _"Hey. Remember what I told you. This isn't goodbye. Goodbyes are for weaklings and wussies, like my father. I will never say goodbye. I know for a fact that I'll be waiting for you, but for now...I want you to promise me that you will not mope around forever in your room about me. I don't want you to remember me like that."_

 _"I promise. I love you so much, don't you forget that."_

 _"And I love you too."_

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 **AN: I've fucking lost my touch. lmao. I wrote this under an hour after trying to figure out how to end 'switch'. Instead, all I have to think about is a year's update on five months!**

 **I estimate this to be around...uh, spike vs. spikette. Yes, everything is canon after the thirtieth chapter.**

 **Anyway, if you like this...messy piece of shit, you are obliged to review. They're like hugs. Leo kind of needs some of those. :)**


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